Where Does the Peanut Go?
by urban-chic64
Summary: This is something I wrote on the spur of the moment... Read it if you're bored, but it's not a complete waste of time... Hopefully it'll make you laugh


**This is just a lot of random stuff I threw together when I was bored. If you like it – great. If you don't like it – d'ah well.**

---

A whole group of Hogwarts students were in the Three Broomsticks, at Hogsmeade, and most of them were a little (very) drunk. Ronald Weasley sat on a stool in the corner surveying the room stiffly with stony, glazed eyes.

Harry Potter, who seemed to be the only person who was sober, noticed this and moved toward him. "Ron, what's up?"

Ron looked right through Harry, whispering, "I see dead people."

Harry gave Ron a you're-acting-like-you're-drunk look, and then remembered that he was. "Duh," he said, "they're called ghosts, Ron." He pointed to Nearly Headless Nick and the Fat Friar.

"I know what you did last summer," Ron whispered eerily.

"Yeah," replied Harry, "I was at your house, you idiot."

Parvati came rushing towards the two boys, skidding to a stop and toppling over. Giggling, she looked up at them and said, "You put the peanut in the peanut hole!" then waited for them to laugh.

"I don't get it," said Harry, confused. Parvati cackled mindlessly.

"I'm going to go look for Hermione," Harry continued, to get away from the two dunderheads.

He found Hermione in the other corner, sitting and facing the wall, humming slightly.

"Hermione?" asked Harry cautiously, when she cackled insanely. "Who are you – what've you done with Hermione!"

"Harry, are you mad?" she said, and then she turned around. It was Hermione's body, hair and voice all right – with Draco Malfoy's face. "I am Hermione."

"Ah!" shouted Harry, thinking he must've had his Butterbeer spiked or something. He went back to find Ron, who had finally stood up from the stool.

"There you are, Ron!" he said, relieved. "Where are you going?"

Ron slowly outstretched his pointer finger and it glowed bright red. Slowly, and in a rather high-pitched voice, as though he had just learned English, he said, "I'll be right here." Harry looked at what he was pointing to: Men's Room. Ron rushed inside, and Harry could hear gagging noises, then a flush of a toilet.

He was about to find someone else to talk to, when Lavender came running up toward him, trying to hold her hat in place. "You put the peanut in the peanut hole!"

Harry looked at her, confused. "I still don't get it."

There were sirens blaring all around. Aurors, with magically magnified voices were shouting, "We've got you covered Gibson! Come out with your wand in your pocket and your hands up!"

Without waiting, two of the Aurors rushed in and bound Gibson's hands behind his back. Gibson had long matted hair that looked like it hadn't been washed in days, and grey tattered robes. He looked around the room wildly, shouting at the top of his lungs.

"I would have succeeded!" he screamed, as they dragged him out of the Three Broomsticks. "If it weren't for those meddling kids!"

Then he began to laugh insanely, his voice drifting away as the door closed.

Ron finally came out of the bathroom.

"Geez," said Harry, "where were you? Everyone's acting so odd."

"I'll be back," said Ron, in a strange Austrian accent, then he went back into the washroom.

Rolling his eyes, Harry went to go find someone who wasn't drunk or crazy, and spotted Ginny sitting at a nearby table.

"Hi," he greeted, sitting down across from her.

Suddenly, something vibrated in Harry's pants. No, it's not what you're thinking, you nasty child.

"Your pants are ringing," said Ginny dully.

Perplexed, Harry pulled out of his pockets – a cell phone. "What the –" The Dursley's had never given him anything in his life, let alone, a mobile phone. How did that get there?

He pressed the TALK button. "Hello?" he said tentatively.

A hollow, hoarse and deadly voice not more than a whisper replied, "Seven days."

"'Till what?" asked Harry.

The voice sighed. "Oh my God, you don't even play along," said a fast, slightly high voice. Harry recognized it – it was Fez from That 70s Show. "Do you have any chocolate?"

Sighing, Harry hung up.

"Who was that?" asked Ginny, still in the monotonous voice.

"No idea," Harry lied.

"You are the chosen one, Harry," she said quietly.

"What?"

"It is your job to save the world," Ginny continued. "And you will have to choose who's life to save – yours, or Morpheus's."

"Who's Morpheus?"

"Watch your head," said Ginny.

"Why?" said Harry, swiftly turning around. Big mistake. Madam Rosmerta had been right behind him with an iron tray, and he'd knocked it out of her hands with his head. "Ow," Harry sobbed, rubbing his forehead.

"You know what will really push your buttons?" said Ginny eerily. "Would that have happened if I hadn't warned you first? Why don't you sit on that and chew it while you sleep?"

"What?" repeated Harry, thoroughly bewildered. Even Ginny was acting weird. He had no idea what was going on.

Then Hermione, the real Hermione, ran up to them shouting, "You put the peanut in the peanut hole!" She ran past them, giggling.

Harry ran his hand through his hair. "Okay," he said, "I'm leaving now. Call me when you find your sanity."

His pants rang.

Sighing, Harry picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Harry Potter, sir, is in grave danger!"

"Oh, hello Dobby," Harry replied, slightly relieved.

"Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!" said Dobby fearfully.

"Dobby, you did this in my second year, remember?" said Harry exasperatedly. "All you did was cause trouble – hang on. Dobby, how do you know how to use the telephone?"

"Uh… Er – Dobby must leave now, sir," said Dobby quickly. "Goodbye!"

Dazed, Harry went to find Ron again. He must be done in the washroom, he thought. Wrong.

Ron was, in fact, pushing little things into a tiny hole in the wall. Upon closer inspection, Harry saw that there was writing on the wall pointing to the hole. It read: PEANUT HOLE.

"Ron, what are you doing?"

Without taking his eyes off his concentration, Ron replied, "Putting the peanut in the peanut hole."

"Oh Merlin," cursed Harry, and then he left. He closed the door behind him, then turned around and gasped.

Parvati, Lavender and Hermione had turned up out of nowhere, looming right over him. "YOU PUT THE PEANUT IN THE PEANUT HOLE!"

Harry stormed out of the Three Broomsticks, muttering furiously, "I still don't get it!"

---

I'd be really interested to see your comments on this lol 


End file.
